“The heart of hospitality is about creating space for someone to feel seen and heard and loved.
It’s about declaring your table a safe zone, a place of warmth and nourishment.”
-Shauna Niequist
When I was 23 I decided to quit my job and spend some time solo-traveling around Europe. My first stop was Belcarra, Ireland where I spent two months as an au pair. I found the wonderful McCoy family through HelpX.net, which is a website that connects travelers with volunteer opportunities around the world.
This was my first time in a foreign country and even though Ireland follows most of the Western norms that the US does, I quickly picked up on many differences. One area that is particularly different is Irish hospitality. The McCoys (who I lovingly refer to as my “Irish Family”) welcomed me, a complete stranger, into their home and from day one I felt like I was a part of their family. Over the course of the next two months (and many visits since!) I witnessed a distinct way of living where hospitality was the norm and was not some extravagant thing that you read about in Better Homes and Gardens. I truly love this way of life and try to emulate it in my work as well as my day-to-day interactions with friends and family.
Here are a few things I’ve learned about hospitality, both from my Irish family and my own family that has always prioritized the care of others through food, warmth, hosting, and generosity.
1. Hospitality is Not a One Time Thing
I love the quote above by Shauna Niequist. It’s a wonderful reminder that hospitality is not the focus on one singular event, but rather a way of treating others.
In Ireland it is commonplace to “call” on your neighbors. This basically means showing up unannounced and spending time catching up, usually over a cup of tea. This happened often during my time with the McCoys and never once did my Irish family make their guests feel rushed or give any impression that they were too busy to chat. They made their guests feel welcomed, as if they had been waiting for them all day! Keeping this kind of mindset front and center is so important. As an event planner, it serves as a reminder on how to treat guests, colleagues, and vendors. As an everyday host, it serves as a reminder to remember what is truly important in this life, which are the people who make our days so special.
2. Hosting Does Not Have To Be Fancy
I follow a DIY home renovator on Instagram who does astonishing work ALL BY HERSELF. She rips apart rooms, does all of the carpentry work, and all of the jobs in between. One day she shared that she would rather completely renovate a kitchen than host a dinner for 10 people.
COME AGAIN?!
I had a hard time believing this, but the more I talked to friends, there seemed to be a common theme: People are intimidated to host because they feel like it has to be perfect. The house has to be spotless, the plates must sit atop chargers, the wine must pair well with the main entrée. While these are all fun things for people who enjoy hosting, the most important aspect of any kind of event are not these things. The most important thing you can do as a host is create an environment where your guests can experience comfort and delight. And lucky for us, this is not brain surgery!
Light a candle.
Turn down the lights.
Play some classical music.
Throw some fresh flowers in a vase.
These small touches make a world of difference in creating an experience for your guests.
BOTTOM LINE: Whether you’re hosting a conference for 300 or a dinner party for 4, remember that your guests are much more likely to remember the way they felt at your event; not the plate you served their appetizers on.
3. Anyone Can Be a Good Host
I feel fortunate to have grown up in a home where hosting was the norm. My parents would regularly have friends over for dinner (I remember the “kid table” all too well…), invite people over for holidays who didn’t have family to spend it with, and welcome foster children into our home.
We never lived in a mansion.
Our dining room table didn’t fit 12 people.
My parents did not attend culinary school.
None of these things stopped them from opening their lives and their home to the people around them. Hospitality requires no specific expertise; just a willingness to love others well and perhaps go out of your comfort zone every once in a while.
Hosting and planning events are not something that come naturally to everyone but I do think that we can demystify what it can look like to be a good host regardless of how big your house is or what your background is in event planning. At the end of the day, what we all desire is connection and that is something we can all be a catalyst for.
